What is attachment and how is it formed?
The arrival of a child marks a significant and cherished moment for the entire family, signaling a key phase in the child's growth journey. Particularly in their first year, a child's development is remarkably rapid. This progress is evident physically as parents watch their baby grow in size and weight, leading to the need for new outfits. Additionally, the evolution of the baby's movements is noticeable, from the limited activity of a newborn to the milestones of rolling over and eventually walking.
Simultaneously, a child's emotional growth unfolds, shaped significantly by their earliest bond with a caregiver. This initial connection lays the foundation for the child's future emotional development, highlighting its essential role in shaping the child's overall growth.
Attachment is a unique emotional bond between a child and their caregiver, rooted in early childhood experiences that shape the developing personality and future interpersonal relationships. From birth, every infant requires nurturing care to thrive, relying on the presence of an attentive and responsive adult. This caregiver ensures the child's basic needs for warmth, safety, and nourishment are met, offering love and comfort through gentle touch and closeness. The caregiver's ability to recognize and fulfill the child's needs, along with the child's methods of communicating these needs, play a crucial role in establishing this vital emotional connection.
Physical touch is crucial! It significantly influences the development of bonds. Babies, unable to speak or articulate their desires, concerns, or discomforts, rely heavily on vocalizations and crying as primary means of communicating with those around them.
In the early years, sensory experiences are crucial for a child's development, shaping their entire worldview. Touch and physical contact serve as essential means of communication for children at this developmental stage. Providing comfort through cuddling, caressing, and holding creates a feeling of safety. Despite prevailing societal beliefs that frequent holding may spoil or overly depend on the child, it's important to recognize that newborns lack the innate ability to self-soothe—they simply haven't learned how yet! An infant can't articulate the reasons for their distress. Neglecting a child's cry for attention can subconsciously instill a belief that their genuine emotions should be suppressed. Without adult support, children may struggle with these emotions on their own, leading to a distorted perception of the world. This avoidance becomes a defense mechanism, as the young mind attempts to protect itself in the best way it knows.
We can't expect an infant to self-soothe, cease crying, or effortlessly drift to sleep on their own. Much like we guide a child in mastering basic skills like using a spoon, eating independently, or putting on shoes, it's equally essential for parents to teach calming techniques. Leading by example is key. Adults must act as a stabilizing presence during stressful moments, offering support and responsiveness. This foundation of security enables the child to explore and learn about the vast, unfamiliar world with confidence.
Children who feel assured of an adult's availability and responsiveness tend to experience less fear. The ultimate aim of child development is to nurture a self-reliant, mature individual who can manage independently. Parents play a crucial role in guiding their child to this level of self-sufficiency, instilling the belief, "I can do it myself!" Adults serve as both facilitators and supporters on this journey, demonstrating the way forward. Trust is fundamental in the relationship between a child and an adult, forming the fundament of their bond. Without trust, each new challenge may appear daunting, filled with fear and anxiety. By offering consistent support, meeting the child's needs, and being there when needed, trust is built and strengthened.
In the initial months of an infant's life, the mother often becomes the primary figure of attachment due to her constant physical proximity, providing care, breastfeeding, and ensuring safety. Nonetheless, the father's involvement in building this bond is crucial. It's vital for dads to engage with their child, offering care, comfort, and cuddles when needed. Fathers play a significant role, especially in supporting the new mother during the postpartum period, a time crucial for resource renewal. By being present, offering help, and showing sensitivity, fathers not only support the mother—perhaps by taking the baby for walks to allow her some uninterrupted rest—but also fortify their own connection with the child. This collaborative approach fosters a strong partnership between the parents and offers a wonderful opportunity for dads to deepen their relationship with their baby.
Attachment styles are commonly categorized into secure and insecure. Secure attachment develops when parents consistently meet their child's needs. This involves the adult being attuned to their child - responding to cries, seeking to understand their cause, sharing joy through smiles, offering gentle touches, holding the child, and engaging in conversation, even with an infant. Secure attachment is nurtured by a parent's active participation and presence, including playtime. Engaging in play allows parents to devote their full attention to their child, further reinforcing this crucial bond.
The insecure attachment form is the opposite, it arises from a lack of consistent caregiving, contrasting with the responsive approach of secure attachment. In these cases, parents may struggle to connect with their child, and their care can be erratic—leaving the child uncertain about when their needs will be met. For instance, a parent might overlook a child's cries, expecting the child to self-soothe, yet be attentive when the child is quiet. This inconsistency can lead to confusion and insecurity in the child's understanding of support and responsiveness from their caregivers.
A child exposed to physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse by a caregiver, or who witnesses such violence by an attachment figure towards others, may develop an insecure attachment. In these cases, trauma becomes the core of the relationship between the child and the caregiver, meaning that for the child it is impossible to trust the primary caregiver - the parent.
Author
Kristine Salmiņa
Clinical and health psychologist / specialist of the Psychology Center AUGT
