Building a relationship with a child.
In the first part of this article, we explored the concept of attachment and its formation, examining both secure and insecure attachment styles and their development. While understanding these styles is crucial, many parents find themselves wondering, 'What's the next step?'
When studying child-parent relationships and uncovering underlying issues, parents often share their experiences during consultations. One client described her inner conflict: "It feels like I'm torn between two forces every day. There's the rational side, which knows exactly what I should do. But then there's this instinctual side that's far more powerful. It's a whirlwind of my emotions, pulling me in until I'm suddenly overwhelmed with guilt for having raised my voice at my child again."
Indeed, guilt is a profound emotion that surfaces when we introspectively examine ourselves. It demands bravery, yet experience demonstrates that self-improvement and mental organization yield significant rewards. The benefits extend beyond our immediate circle—spouse, children—to enrich us on a deeply personal level. By addressing our past and nurturing our inner selves, we become fertile ground, fostering growth not only within us but also in our children.
Frequently, parents inquire about enhancing their bond with their child. My advice is to focus on the essentials we might overlook. Display empathy—connect with your child's feelings during conversations. Truly listen—set aside your tasks, make eye contact, and hear what they're expressing. Engage in dialogue—actively participate, share stories, explain, and answer their queries. Enjoy playtime together. Offer praise and acknowledgement for their efforts: "Well done!", "You've got this!"
Suggestion: Inquire about your child's interests—what activities do they dream of sharing with you? It's a bold move, but worth the effort! Often, our imaginations outpace our children's actual desires. It could be something simple like a game night, pretend play, watching a movie together, or building a snowman—these are just a few possibilities. Most importantly, this approach allows your child to see their wishes involving you come to life. And remember, it's not just about asking; it's about actively participating in making their dream a reality!
Play together! For many parents, playing with their child can be a challenge. It's essential to remember that the aim is to bring joy and fulfillment to both parties. Consider whether the other parent might more naturally engage in this way. Also, remember that play can take many forms—it's all about finding the type of play that feels right for you. If doll role-play isn't your thing, explore other avenues like board games, physical activities, or memory challenges. Even a simple word game during car rides, where each player uses the last letter of the previous word, can be engaging. There's a vast array of play options out there; the key is to discover what brings you closer and share that joy with your child.
Every parent wishes to raise a confident and independent child. Yet, children often remain unaware of their achievements or their special worth until we, as parents, acknowledge and affirm them. It's crucial to remember that children are experiencing the world for the "first time," encountering many situations anew. Take, for instance, a child learning to wear gloves. Recognizing this as a new challenge for them, it becomes clear how vital our support, encouragement, and praise are for their learning. By responding with enthusiasm—celebrating when they manage to slip a glove on one hand—we boost their confidence. Such acknowledgment, "You did it!", reinforces their success and motivates them to repeat the task with joy. The child internalizes a sense of accomplishment, "I can do this!", which fortifies their self-belief. So, take the time to notice and comment on your child's efforts; such words not only strengthen your bond but also boost your child's self-esteem.
Author
Kristine Salmiņa
Clinical and health psychologist / specialist of the Psychology Center AUGT
